You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
