he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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