He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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