Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to have your abortion
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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