remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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