at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
