do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
