Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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