Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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