I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
