Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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