The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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