he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
