i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
