i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
