I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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