Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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