just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
