I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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