I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
