Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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