i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
