So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
