I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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