she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
