I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
