but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
