you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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