Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
