So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
