I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
