I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
