im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
