She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
