I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
