my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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