it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
