my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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