And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
