her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
