first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
