A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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