Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
