if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
