I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
