I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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