I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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