Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Randomize
