I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
