Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
